Neurodivergent-affirming therapy in Thousand Oaks and online
I’m Emily Chane, LMFT, a neurodivergent therapist supporting teens and adults with ADHD, autism, masking, burnout and relationship concerns. We can meet in person in Thousand Oaks or online across California. You do not need a formal diagnosis to start therapy; I do not provide formal ADHD or autism assessments.
Maybe you’ve spent years feeling like too much or not enough. Maybe connection has always felt harder for you than it seems to for everyone else. You’re not the only one, and you don’t have to keep sorting it out by yourself.
Therapy with a neurodivergent therapist
I bring personal and professional experience with neurodivergence to every session, and that shapes how I listen. Together we look at how neurodivergence has influenced the way you see yourself, connect with others and move through the world.
My approach is neurodiversity-affirming. I see ADHD, autism and other brain differences as part of natural human variation.
This isn’t about fixing how your brain works. It’s about understanding it, and building a life that fits it.
Support for neurodivergent teens and adults
You don’t need a formal diagnosis to work with me. Many people come to therapy while still exploring whether ADHD or autism fits their experience. Together, we’ll explore your experiences with curiosity and focus on what helps, with or without a label.
Gifted and neurodivergent at the same time. Strengths often hide struggles, and struggles often hide strengths. That mix feeds perfectionism and self-doubt, and it’s a common part of the work we do.
Buzzing lights, loud chewing, and a sock seam that’s somehow in the wrong place, all at the same time. Sensory differences affect how you experience sound, light, touch, and crowds, and they shape your energy, mood, and relationships. Together, we’ll explore your sensory needs and find ways to honor them instead of pushing through.
Identity
Understanding who you are beyond labels and expectations, and what being neurodivergent means to you.
Masking
Noticing where you hide parts of yourself to fit in, what it costs you, and where it feels safe to stop.
Perfectionism
Letting go of impossible standards and building a kinder, more realistic relationship with yourself.
Burnout
Understanding what drains you and what restores you after years of pushing past your limits.
Self-esteem
Replacing years of feeling “too much” or “not enough” with a more compassionate view of yourself.
Relationships
Exploring your patterns with partners, family, and friends, and building relationships where you feel understood.
How your brain and your relationships shape each other
Growing up neurodivergent often means growing up misunderstood. Maybe friendships felt confusing or exhausting. Maybe adults kept correcting how you played, talked or reacted. Maybe you were “too much” at home and invisible at school.
Over time, those experiences shape how you connect. You might mask to fit in, expect rejection, people-please, or pull away before anyone gets the chance to leave. That’s not a flaw in how you’re wired. It’s what happens when a person keeps getting misread by the people they need most.
In therapy, we look at how those early relationships shaped the way you connect now, with yourself and with others, and build relationships where you don’t have to hide to belong.
To be clear, neurodivergence isn’t caused by attachment wounds, and it isn’t a sign of insecure attachment. Needing space, communicating directly or regulating in your own way is not the same as avoiding closeness. What I pay attention to is what happens between people: how you’ve been met, how you’ve learned to protect yourself and what it would take to feel understood.
When neurodivergence shapes a relationship
When one or more people in a relationship are neurodivergent, misunderstandings pile up. Communication styles clash, needs go unspoken and the same conflict keeps coming back.
I work with couples and families to understand each other’s wiring and find ways of relating that work for everyone.
Couples and family therapy
Social skills, without the pressure to be someone else
A lot of social skills programs teach neurodivergent people to act less like themselves: more eye contact, fewer stims, follow the script. That might help you blend in, but it often leaves you exhausted and still not feeling connected.
My approach is different. We start with what you want from your relationships, then build skills that get you there in a way that fits how you’re wired. That might include:
- Understanding unwritten social rules, so you get to choose when to follow them
- Making friends and keeping them
- Reading what’s happening in a conversation, and asking when you’re not sure
- Handling conflict, rejection and repair
- Saying what you need and setting boundaries
- Finding people who get you, including other neurodivergent people
Connection goes both ways. Misunderstandings between neurodivergent and neurotypical people happen on both sides, so the goal isn’t to fix you. It’s to help you connect on your own terms. I’m trained in PEERS® for Young Adults, a research-supported social skills program, and I use it as a toolkit you choose from, not a script for fitting in.
You don’t need to have it all figured out
Reaching out feels vulnerable, especially after years of feeling misunderstood or disconnected. Come as you are. We’ll start with what’s happening now and go from there, in a space that’s warm, direct, collaborative, and affirming. Fidget toys, stim tools and half-finished coffee all welcome.
Ready to take the first step?
Book a free 15-minute call. We'll talk through what you're looking for and see if we're a fit.